the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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