R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
