Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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