We're facebook friends in real life
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
