I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
