everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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