I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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