im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's rum buckets o'clock
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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