Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
