last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
