2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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