Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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