he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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