He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
