WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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