Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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