New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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