You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
