i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
