i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize