please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
