Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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