i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My bed smells like the plague
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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