i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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