Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
