i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
