The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
