And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
