i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
