were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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