pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
