oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
