The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
