you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize