New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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