1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
