I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
