what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
