no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
