she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
