now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
