Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
id be glad to
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
