dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize