So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
