Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
