It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
