okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
