Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
