Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
