you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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