I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
