just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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