is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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