God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
