if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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