You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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