I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
