i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
