do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
