you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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