trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
