I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
