if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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