What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone shattered a urinal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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