try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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