how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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