Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
